Limbo

lim·bo1/ˈlimbō/nounn: an uncertain period of awaiting a decision or resolution; an intermediate state or condition.

Feelings of aimlessness, feeling lost, and bored have set in. I wonder if this is what living in between extreme’s is supposed to feel like? For 18 years I have lived one high swing or low swing, barely staying in the middle for longer than a couple days. The positive side is that I can actually accomplish daily chores without feeling weighed down by a two ton elephant. I could not wrap my mind around eating it one bite at a time. It was always all or nothing.

At times, I feel like my manic state is a caged wild beast just pacing back and forth waiting for the moment to strike through the locked gate and catch the warden off guard to break free. I can see why those who struggle with bipolar stop their medications. I don’t particularly like this “boring” state of mind. I would much rather experience the high of massive productivity and creativity.

I want to be more than the “good girl” that keeps taking her medication. I care too much about fulfilling my destiny and not tainting my loved ones destinies with my unpredictable moods. I understand that this could be my new normal. Once I get used to it, it won’t be so boring. I will figure out how what to do with these feelings. I do not want to go through the physical side effects of restarting the medications. That is almost enough to just keep on going. When it’s not, being the best version of myself should be.

The tides are changing

Changes are coming. I can feel it in my bones. The current in my blood has changed. I am scared. I don’t know what storms lie ahead and I am trying to keep my focus on the paradise in front of me today. Things are getting better in my mind but I feel like part of it is a wild beast trapped in a cage.

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On the road again.

This was a huge day for me. Mike and I had health screenings at his office. I had to drive from West Dayton to Englewood to Tipp City to home. Alone. Kids in tow. The first time since the collision.

For most people, including my husband, it’s no big deal. A five hour road trip alone with the kids didn’t used to be to me, either. However, I have had flashback/panic attacks whenever abnormal driving occurred (other drivers especially) the last 9 days. Including a minor one when we were at the left turn lane at a RED STOP LIGHT when a driver from the left lane KEPT GOING AND TURNED in front of us on the way to Mike’s office. “Yahoos like that one” are why Mike stayed in the lane we were in Friday, Sept. 28. He deals with people in Dayton blatantly running red lights and consistently going around him.

Despite the ridiculous maneuver, I made it to Bob Evans, the chiropractor, and home without any issues. I want to encourage those of you who struggle with moving forward and moving past your fears. I want you to know that I am going through it, too. Not only do we stretch our comfort zones in business, relationships, and foods (I’m thinking the “try-er eaters” ie picky), we sometimes I have to do really big scary things. You’re not alone. Even though it’s hard, it’s not impossible. “Don’t let anyone dull your sparkle.” “Choose to shine.”

Bipolar or ambivert?

I constantly switch between an INFP and an ENFP. Today my ENFP is in charge and I feel lonely after being around so many people for the last week on our family vacation.

Last week my INFP craved solitude multiple times as I walked alone on the beach. It’s not always a lack of contentment in my situation. I was quite happy last week.

There is such a thing called Ambivert. Being an ambivert has its own challenges. “Can’t you make up your mind?” “Do you want to be here or do you want to be alone?” “Oh this book is good, wait, there’s no one to tell about it.” I constantly have to check myself for contentment and decide what the root cause is when I feel dissatisfied. Maybe it is the borderline bipolar tendencies 🤔.

Regardless, it’s who I am. I am 60% extroverted but 40% introverted. A little more than half the time, I appreciate being around small groups and the rest of the time, I like being one on one with person or alone. Where are you?

https://www.google.com/amp/s/psychologenie.com/enfp-vs-infp-personality-types.amp

Bras, zombies, and perfume.

#MotherhoodInTheRaw

My husband is so good about letting me sleep in on Saturdays. You would think I would be grateful and refreshed. Only I wasn’t. He came in to wake me up around 8 and ever since then I’ve been an absolute grump. 1:30 rolls around and I’m sick of myself. Everyone else is perky and being silly and I just keep seeing it as obnoxious.

I put on my armor, a.k.a a bra, some simple jewelry, a 5-minute face, and a hint of my favorite perfume. It’s not a quick fix to a happier mood but it makes me feel like a human and not mombie wanting to eat everyone’s brains. These little steps are overlooked so often. Getting dressed, fully dressed, and not saving your best stuff for special occasions are simple self-care techniques to overcome those bad days. Seriously, next time you feel less than the masterpiece you are, try putting on your favorite jeans or dress, a fun pair of earrings, the expensive perfume and brush a little rouge on the cheeks.

1 Corinthians 10:13

“No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.”

7 Reasons Why You Should Leave Your Kids and Husband

As you read on, you will come to a few reasons why it’s a good idea to leave your kids and husband and go do something with just yourself that doesn’t involve a doctor, Target or the grocery store.

You’ve heard the phrase, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder?” I’ve experienced the truth of it many times over the course of my life. As a child, my Dad would be deployed with the Army for weeks, mostly months. As a teen, my life-long best friend lived halfway across the country and we (still) see each other annually. Before my husband and I married, we had a long distance relationship for 5 years.

I realize, not everyone wants to sustain distanced relationships. What I encourage you to do is be open to growth that happens in that space. There is a deep trust, a firm commitment, and a persistent love that forms only in relationships where every individual can breathe.

As a mother, we seem to take on the responsibility that we, solely, only, are the end all, be all when it comes to our household. Our spouses, despite how dedicated they are around the house and with the kids, still aren’t “mom”. They are, however, fully capable of being present and caring for the lives and house in which you are a partner in raising. Partner.

Partner:

1 archaic : one that shares : partaker

2 a : one associated with another especially in an action : associate, colleague our military partners throughout the world

b : either of two persons who dance together

c : one of two or more persons who play together in a game against an opposing side partners in card games

d : a person with whom one shares an intimate relationship

Aside from any extenuating circumstances, most fathers are more responsible, capable, and willing to care for the children they helped create than we want to believe or allow them to be. They may be apprehensive but good old fashioned communication can help clear up any worries. Sure, you can type up a written contract, have him sign in blood and give his first born, but let the man be the man God created him to be. That includes fathering. Not mothering. Now that we have that laid out…

Go take a 7 day Caribbean cruise with 600-700 other women. Ok, not everyone gets an opportunity to do that working only an average of 10 hours a week from their job, but you can have the freedom to go see a movie by yourself! Then, get yourself some ice cream and enjoy it in the open. You don’t have to hide in the closet today.

  1. You will feel rejuvenated.
  2. You will feel the “old me” make herself known.
  3. You will have the time to talk, or not to talk, with whomever you choose.
  4. Your kids will get special time with just their caregiver, encouraging them to deepen relationships with people besides you.
  5. Marital sex will be better.
  6. You will have topics, other than your kids, to share with your husband.
  7. Your husband/caregiver will have a sense of your day with the kids.

There could be many more good things that stem from leaving your kids and husband every couple of months. Especially if it’s an overnight thing. Yes, mom guilt is thick. Yes, the baby might be mad the day you get back. Yes, real life hits hard the next day. I will be the first to tell you that anxiety gets the best of me. Despite the lies, I know the truth is that I’m a better mom and wife when I allow myself the self-care of, as my four year old puts it, a “tiny little minute” of freedom.

10 Jewelry Trends You’ll Want to Add for Fall & Winter 2017


Office parties, work parties with your spouses boss, special concerts, church services, family gatherings…what to wear?! Let’s dive into some simple ways to add to your favorite tops, sweaters and dresses and make on trend, show stopping ensembles!

GEOMETRIC DESIGNS: This unqiue and abstract-inspired necklace are best for adding an element of architectural edge to any fall or winter look. The modern charm, mixed metal detailing will make this necklace last for seasons to come. – State of the Art

MIXED MATERIALS: These funky and fun fringy earrings are a bohemian fashionista’s dream accessory. Wear these little pretties with a statement sleeve top to achieve major style points. – Palm Beach


BOLD CUFFS: Up your wrist game at the holiday party with this stretchy, dotted bracelet. Style with gold, crystal studs for an ultra-chic look! – Dot to Dot


PLAYFUL COLORS: An eye-catching multi-color design, artistic detail, and antiqued metallic finish makes these earrings a fabulously warm addition to your fall wardrobe. Keep it simple with a cool fashion tee and let these fun, simple, sophisticated, or edgy and colorful beauties start a conversation at your next happy hour. – Pop Art

COLLAR NECKLACES: Pile on the subtle bling with this elegant crystal collar necklace. The intricate Art Deco-inspired design delivers a vintage feel to a work outfit or your favorite bell sleeved dress. – Material Girl

JEWEL EMBELLISHMENTS: Enter the room of any fall or winter dinner party, girl’s night, or soireé shining with these hoops. The faceted crystal detailing, hypoallergenic post clasp, and your choice of gold or silver metallic finish adds the perfect amount of glitz to a formal ensemble. – Haute Hoops

PEARL ACCENTS: This pretty little pearlescent necklace is loved for its relaxed length, suede detailing and affordability. Pair with a cool blazer for an edgy take on prep school style. – Pearl Sueded

MESH WORKS: These trending earrings are a favorite among ladies looking for a touch of glitz with lightweight wearability. The long, rose gold, curved and mesh-like design is perfect for accentuating your neck or a chic short cut. – Breezy

STATEMENT EARRINGS: Let the festivities begin! Every occasion just got more stylish thanks to our Night Out earrings. They are perfect for an off-the-shoulder gown or an evening of fashionable drama. The added crystal detailing and shadowy hematite plating add an air of elegance to any ensemble. –Night Out

Shop these looks today and contact me for a discount!

Source:
https://www.rankandstyle.com/top-10-list/best-jewelry-trends-of-2017/ann-taylor-floral-fabric-statement-earrings/

Mudslide


Today, was a 180* from yesterday. I was hanging onto a flimsy decaying root quickly being covered by the mudslide of depression. I kept asking myself, “Am I experiencing belated postpartum depression?” I somehow held on long enough to sleep between late night feasts and woke up wondering if the reason I have a king size bed is so when my husband is gone, both kids and the dog can fill his void? 

As I drove west, a quick 1.5 hour trip, I realized I was fulfilling a small portion of my dream to travel for my career. Thoughts of gratitude cleared yesterday’s muddy vision. My son spent much needed one on one time with his Nanabanana. I was meeting a long time friend to discuss options of starting up her own jewelry boutique and style service. Who better to do business with than a dear friend? For dessert, I met one of my “newer” best friends and business partner at The Caffienery. It’s a hipster Nirvana-esque cafe in downtown Muncie, IN.

The barista moved from cleaning the steamer, pouring hot water, and starting a new caffeinated beverage like she was conducting a lovely symphony. I chuckled joyfully under my breath, what if we all treated the mundane work tasks as if it were a note within your favorite Mozart or Handel masterpiece? Never to miss a beat, enthusiastically plucking or exhaling and inhaling to hit each note? 

Despite the harried schedule on top of the normal motherly duties, I relished in the cleansing effect the 20 minutes with my friend bestowed on me. I laughed with pure joy and I kissed the top of her head when I saw the red and pink heart gift bag on the table and opened it to reveal a beautiful, and big mug (because I like big mugs and cannot lie) that read, “This girl runs on coffee and Jesus”. What words can describe the growth, love and fellowship that I am receiving because of a mutual interest in sparkle?

Count it all joy. 

I’m a little nervous

My first post feels like it should be monumental. It is, after all, my first grown-up blog post.

In the meantime, I hope you’ll come back to me for future posts on fashion, faith and fairy dust. You’ll discover why I chose the Peter Pan theme, how to simplify your life and elevate your style, experience motherhood in the raw, walk alongside me and Jesus on our faith-walk, and just the weirdness that is Alysha.